I think your question for next week is a great one. I find that many people try and have relationship without pain, and this is why relationship is so shallow in America today.

We're a culture that has been comfortable. We're a culture that's politically correct and never want to disagree. This is why we're a culture who doesn't understand that, to have relationship means to risk and suffer pain. This means that we think pain in relationship is bad, and we don't see it's potential to create deeper connections.

In the end ALL relationship must have pain. Why? Not only because people are sinful and hurt each other (although this is true as well), but because people die. All relationships end in pain when someone we have really given ourselves to in relationship either dies or moves away. The only way to avoid this pain is to limit the depth of relationship. If we truly love, we'll truly feel pain when our humanity gives way.

Again, another great lesson we learn here on the community site: If we are after real community (not superficial nicey-nicey community) then there WILL be pain. There WILL be hurt. But the difference is, as Christains, we should comfort, love, and encourage each other thru that pain. That's what makes us stronger and that's what shows that Christ is in our relationships.

Again, this doesn't mean there's no pain...it simply means that we suffer that pain with Christ along side of us. He will teach us, using our pain to grow us closer to each other and to Him.

I was just pondering what to give up for lent. It seems like a struggle every year... one that I often lose and than feel guilty for being selfish and self centered. I think trying the prayer discipline and sacraficing time in other areas will be much more beneficial than giving up soda or chocolate. Thank you for the suggestion.

Thanks for the tips on prayer. This year I have been trying to start a new discipline of daily Bible study (with mixed success). However, you're right that Lent gives us a special opportunity to try and grow closer to God. So, I will try to commit myself to prayer each day...even if it's just for a few minutes. It WILL be hard.

As for the relationships question...

I'm reminded of the opening quote to Crash, for some reason.

"It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something."

In a broader sense, I hear this saying that people put up all these barriers between each other to avoid pain and struggle. Yet, at the same time, I think that interaction, that connection, is something we CRAVE. I was a loner, and as such, I can attest to the idea that loners crave connection more than anyone else. And we crave that connection so badly, yet struggle to avoid it so thoroughly that we end up violently crashing into each other just to feel something.

This makes our interactions defensive, conflicting, antagonistic, selfish, and even more painful.

So I think something that helps me keep relationship central to my life is realizing that the pain is worse and harder to heal if I avoid it. It's quite a struggle to really connect with another human being...but even though that relationship may be rife with pain, it's better than constantly crashing, and certainly better than being alone.

Thinking of the city metaphor, it would become extremely frustrating, and at times painful, to deal with being so CLOSE to people every day in a city (or even a shopping mall). But we get used to those little discomforts or frustrations and start see the value of being in a place with so many people. The more we stay away from it, the more frustrating and difficult it is when we can't avoid it anymore.

Relationships are difficult and painful...but what's the alternative?

I don't really know if this post came out quite how I'd hoped it would. In a way, I feel more confused about what I was saying than when I started. Maybe someone else can help flesh it out a little more by building on this and Bob's post. =0/

It is great to see such a dynamic and purposeful community coming to age online, I had hoped St. Matthew would do so because the congregation members have such a dynamic personality. That said, the question...always the question.

The answer, I think, is relatively simple. We realize that pain will exist, that people will disappoint and we will disappoint. We realize that the perfection we were designed for; in relationship with each other and God, is flawed because of our sinful bodies and creation's sorrow.
Not that we should mope around and say whoa is me.....but if we enter into a relationship with others knowing no expectation but anticipation of the joys that exist amongst the sorrows, we can embrace the painfulness of the fallen human relationship in such a way to embrace Paul's comments...."I am content in all things."
And therein lies the chaser....if we join into relationship together with another AND Christ, we have a strength beyond our measure to achieve such a 'no-expectation, high anticipation' excitment to our relational dynamic........we are happily surprised at the good things and prepared for the not-so-perfect sad things.
I talk to much, which is why I write my own blog....I hope my first comment on your community blog is okay.
In Christ's service...

Personally, it's experiencing God's heart in scripture that makes relationships and unity at St. Matthew such a passion for me.

Maybe a key to our deepening relationships with each other is to experience His heart for each of us and for His Church. He has a lot to say in scripture about how He loves each of us (including those around us with whom we don't yet have a real relationship) and about His desire for us to be in real community and unity with one another as the Body of Christ.

I think scripture makes it very clear that both speaking TRUTH, and doing it in LOVE are vital to the UNITY and MATURITY of the church, and to our ability as believers and as a church to DOING as He wills . Might a study and discussion of related passages and how we can apply these values to our lives and our community help us to have His Heart in these things and to live these priorities, because of our love for Him?

Would a sermon series on Ephesians be a good place to start? Perhaps, then, it's no longer a matter of something we "should" do but never commit to doing well, but rather springs naturally from our hearts as a personal passion and priority for our lives in Christ.

For me, the ultimate expression of experiencing His heart for people is passion also for those "children" who are far from His family....those He longs to bring into relationship with Himself and us...the Mission He's given to His precious saved ones to finish in His Name.

In my mind, these are all part of the same passion in God's Heart...to have His WHOLE family together and in close, loving relationships with Him and each other. How much better our understanding of this becomes when we become parents and long for the same in our earthly families!

Since we look to Jesus as our example, we can clearly see how he would have answered this question. His own disciples fell asleep as Jesus prayed and agonized in the garden. Peter denied knowing him. Judas betrayed him. All those things happened in a relatively short time span. His forgiveness covered a multitude of sins, even amongst the people he knew most intimately. When we are intimately involved with others, rough edges will begin to show. If we are willing, the grace, love, and forgiveness of Jesus living in us will allow us to let go of the pain, restore our relationships and help us build new ones. Remember also that the flow of grace goes both ways. You may need it someday as well.

I am glad to hear that someone else struggles with prayer time. When my kids were younger (they are teenagers now) I would often fall into bed at night and fall asleep before prayers had been even thought of. Now, I find myself just as tired. Then, how do you even begin to relate the passage from the Bible that talks about being in constant prayer.

I once had a pastor that told me this... God has so many things He wants to give us that He is waiting for us to ask Him for. He was not talking purely about physical things either. Things like deeper faith, opportunities to share the love of God, etc.

A great topic that I will continue to work on.

Great podcast, by the way, I just found you via SAP.